' Journey For Funyuns (version 1.0) ' By Armadillo Programming, 1999 ' "We don't have a cool slogan yet" ' ' ' This game rated Teen ' Press Shift+F5 to play ' ' ' You are on a mission to find a bag of Funyuns! ' You will encounter many things on your way. Cool ' parties in New Jersey, celebrities, and of course, ' people you just don't like. Let the journey begin! ' ' (This is based on Hmmm... thread posts among other things) ' ' Send comments to: dijonsrup@aol.com ' Visit the website: http://members.aol.com/dijonsyrup COLOR 2, 9 CLS LOCATE 12, 25 PRINT "Journey For Funyuns" LOCATE 23, 21 PRINT "Press any key to begin your journey" 1 key$ = INKEY$: IF key$ = "" THEN GOTO 1 2 CLS LOCATE 5, 5 PRINT "You want Funyuns, but you don't have any in the your house!" LOCATE 6, 5 PRINT "So you begin on a journey. A journey for Funyuns. Along your" LOCATE 7, 5 PRINT "way, you will encounter many obstacles. You will also attend an awesome" LOCATE 8, 5 PRINT "party in New Jersey and meet some clebrities along your way." LOCATE 9, 5 PRINT "Good Luck!" LOCATE 23, 25 PRINT "Hit a key to start Funyunnin!" 3 key$ = INKEY$: IF key$ = "" THEN GOTO 3 4 CLS PRINT "DAY 1, 10:00 AM - The Hot Chick From School" PRINT "You are sitting around at home with nothing to do. All of a sudden," PRINT "the doorbell rings. It's that hot chick from school! What do you say" PRINT "to her?" PRINT "(1) Can I borrow a $20?" PRINT "(2) Are you Johova's witness?" PRINT "(3) Wanna Funyun?" INPUT "(4) What do you want?"; door IF door = 1 THEN PRINT "She thinks you're a loser! You suck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF door = 2 THEN PRINT "She laughs and really likes you. You invite her in! Good job!": SLEEP 15: GOTO 5 IF door = 3 THEN PRINT "She takes it the wrong way and leaves! You suck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END IF door = 4 THEN PRINT "She thinks you are very rude, so she leaves! You suck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "You lose!": END GOTO 4 5 CLS PRINT "Day 1, 12:00 AM - Chillin' With the Hot Chick" PRINT "After hanging out with the hot chick from school for two hours," PRINT "you find out she was helping her little sister sell girl scout cookies." PRINT "She asks you if you want to buy some. What do you say?" PRINT "(1) Sure, I'll take 50 boxes of Thin Mints." PRINT "(2) Nah... I only eat Funyuns and Mountain Dew." PRINT "(3) I'll take a box or two." INPUT "(4) Sure. I'll do anything for you."; cookie IF cookie = 1 THEN PRINT "Too bad! You can't afford that many cookies and you go broke!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF cookie = 2 THEN PRINT "She leaves, frustrated. Then you go to get some Funyuns and realize you": PRINT "don't have any more! You wither up and die!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF cookie = 3 THEN PRINT "She thinks you're sweet and gives you a kiss before leaving. Good Job!": SLEEP: GOTO 6 IF cookie = 4 THEN PRINT "She says, 'So you'd kill yourself? Because that's what I want you to do!'": PRINT "Then she storms off. You loser!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: GOTO 5 6 CLS PRINT "Day 1, 12:02 AM - Emergency!" PRINT "You feel really good about yourself. And what better way to celebrate" PRINT "than to eat Funyuns? You go into the kitchen to open a new bag. When" PRINT "you get there, you realize you have run out! Oh no! What do you do now?" PRINT "(1) Hop and your bike and ride to K-Mart to pick up some more." PRINT "(2) Wait until your mom gets home. She'll take you to the store to buy more." PRINT "(3) Call your dad at work and ask him to buy some Funyuns on the way home." INPUT "(4) Don't worry about it for now. You still have Mountain Dew you can drink."; uhoh IF uhoh = 1 THEN PRINT "When you get to K-Mart, you run to the snack isle. You quickly scan the": PRINT "prices and realize you can only afford the 3oz bag! It's enough": PRINT "to hold you over until you can go to the store and": PRINT "buy a super-size bag of Funyuns.": SLEEP: GOTO 7: IF uhoh = 2 THEN PRINT "Your mom gets home and you follow her to Sam's Club. While she's checking": PRINT "out the milk, you look for Funyuns. What?? You can't find any! You": PRINT "wither up and die!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF uhoh = 3 THEN PRINT "He agrees to pick up some Funyuns on his way home. But as he's": PRINT "in the store parking lot, a runaway shopping cart hit his car and": PRINT "killed him! It's all your fault! You suck hard!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF uhoh = 4 THEN PRINT "You open a Dew and log onto the Internet. 'I'll check the newsgroup'": PRINT "you think. You log on to alt.fan.natalie-portman and start reading": PRINT "the Hmmm... thread. 78% of the posts are about Funyuns! You go crazy": PRINT "thinking about Funyuns and drown yourself in your Mountain Dew!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: GOTO 6 7 CLS PRINT "Day 1, 3:47 PM - Party Time?" PRINT "You bring home your Funyuns and log onto the Internet. You decide" PRINT "to check out the alt.fan.natalie-portman newsgroup. What's this? The" PRINT "Hmmm... thread has broken the world record with 364,753 posts! The" PRINT "victory party is set for this Saturday at Fro's house! How can you" PRINT "convince your parents to let you go?" PRINT "(1) Scam tickets off your friend who's dad is a pilot." PRINT "(2) Calmly explain what's going on and politely ask if you can go." PRINT "(3) Tell them the Knowledge Bowl nationals are in New Jersey." INPUT "(4) Decide to hitch-hike your way to New Jersey."; record IF record = 1 THEN PRINT "Your friend explains how there are 5 levels of people who get free": PRINT "tickets. Level 1 is the highest, his dad is on Level 3, and you're on Level 6.": PRINT "Too bad. Looks like you're stuck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF record = 2 THEN PRINT "Your parents don't trust anybody with the word fro in their name. They": PRINT "tell you he's probably some African American from the 70s! They don't": PRINT "let you go! That sucks!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF record = 3 THEN PRINT "They believe you for a second, but then realize that your team didn't make": PRINT "it to Nationals! You're grounded for a year! Tough Luck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF record = 4 THEN PRINT "You realize you'll be grounded for life when you get back,": PRINT "but you figure it'll be worth it. You grab your remaining Mountain Dew": PRINT "and Funyuns and head out for New Jersey!": SLEEP: GOTO 8 GOTO 7 8 CLS PRINT "Day 1, 7:53 PM - Stranded In Cornfields" PRINT "You have hitch-hiked your way to Kansas and find you drank a little too" PRINT "much Mountain Dew. You stop at a gas station to use the restroom. However," PRINT "when you get out, your ride is gone! You look around and see nothing" PRINT "but cornfields. The gas attendent tells you you're the first person he's" PRINT "seen this week. What do you do now?" PRINT "(1) Wait for someone else to come along." PRINT "(2) Take your Funyuns and Mountain Dew and start walking." PRINT "(3) Ask the gas attendent for a bike. You'll ride the rest of the way." INPUT "(4) Call your parents and ask them to come pick you up."; stuck IF stuck = 1 THEN PRINT "No luck. It is a week before someone else comes along. You missed the": PRINT "party of the century! You suck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF stuck = 2 THEN PRINT "You figure you'll be better off walking. You were wrong. You end up getting": PRINT "lost in the cornfields and you're never heard from again.": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF stuck = 3 THEN PRINT "Bingo! He gives you a cheap old bike and you start riding. Good thing": PRINT "you're in shape from riding bikes all summer. It'll be a long ride.": SLEEP: GOTO 9 IF stuck = 4 THEN PRINT "No! They ground you for life for leaving the state without permission.": PRINT "They pick you up and bring you promptly home, and you're never heard": PRINT "from again!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: GOTO 8 9 CLS PRINT "Day 2, 6:03 PM - Jefferson City Up Ahead" PRINT "You realize you'll never be able to ride your bike to New Jersey in" PRINT "time for the party. You decide to stop in Jefferson City, where you'll try" PRINT "to contact Fro and get some help. As you start riding, though, you" PRINT "find that the bike has a flat tire! What are you going to do now?" PRINT "(1) Fill the tire with Mountain Dew and hope it holds out." PRINT "(2) Ditch the bike and walk the rest of the way." PRINT "(3) Try to keep riding with the flat tire." INPUT "(4) Go back to the gas station and see if they can fix it."; flat IF flat = 1 THEN PRINT "Good job! The bike becomes a little back-heavy, but at least it's rideable.": PRINT "You'll ditch the bike when you get to Jefferson City anyway.": SLEEP: GOTO 10 IF flat = 2 THEN PRINT "Bad move. You walk and walk and walk, but barely make any ground.": PRINT "You run out of food and starve to death. ": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF flat = 3 THEN PRINT "The rear tire offers too much resistance without air and you die from": PRINT "exhaustion. I guess you weren't in that good of shape afterall!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF flat = 4 THEN PRINT "Not a good idea. When you return, you find the place deserted. Now you're": PRINT "stuck in the middle of nowhere!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: GOTO 9 10 CLS PRINT "Day 3, 7:47 PM - Another Hot Chick" PRINT "It takes a day and a half of riding, but you make it to Jefferson City." PRINT "Now you have to contact Fro and get some help! You stop by the airport" PRINT "figuring you can use a pay phone there. But while you're there, you" PRINT "notice a really hot chick that has a laptop. Maybe you could borrow it" PRINT "and post to the ng for help. What do you do?" PRINT "(1) Ask the hot chick 'Wanna Funyun?'." PRINT "(2) Use the pay phone." PRINT "(3) 'Borrow' the laptop without permission." INPUT "(4) Explain the situation and ask if you can use the laptop."; laptop IF laptop = 1 THEN PRINT "You think if you offer her a Funyun, she'll let you use the laptop computer.": PRINT "But she misinterpreted the question and calls the cops! You're": PRINT "arrested for sexual harrassment!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF laptop = 2 THEN PRINT "You stick in your last quarter and try to call Fro. But no luck. The line's": PRINT "busy. He's probably on the Internet!! Tough luck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF laptop = 3 THEN PRINT "When she's not looking, you steal the hot chick's laptop computer.": PRINT "However, you're not quite nimble enough. You trip over her foot and": PRINT "she catches you in the act! The cops come and arrest you!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF laptop = 4 THEN PRINT "She feels sorry for you and lets you use the laptop. You log onto the": PRINT "Internet and post at the newsgroup explaining your situation.": PRINT "Dalco is online and quickly posts a reply saying he'll fly on over": PRINT "and pick you up! Groovy!": SLEEP: GOTO 11 GOTO 10 11 CLS PRINT "Day 3, 11:58 PM - Danger In D.C." PRINT "Dalco picks you up in his plane and everything seems to be going well." PRINT "However, as you are flying over Maryland, a flock of ducks got sucked" PRINT "into the engine! It catches fire and you are forced to make an emergency" PRINT "landing at Dulles International. Just as you get out of the plane, you" PRINT "see a group of big, black guys. Must be Maya's goons. What do you do?" PRINT "(1) Start fighting, you and Dalco can take them on!" PRINT "(2) Insult them!" PRINT "(3) Try and run away!" INPUT "(4) Surrender. They're just too big for you."; maya IF maya = 1 THEN PRINT "Even though you are outnumbered 8 - 2, you and Dalco start throwing punches.": PRINT "You really kick some major butt! Good job!!": SLEEP: GOTO 12 IF maya = 2 THEN PRINT "'You guys are dumbest than a rock!' you shout. Just then, Maya comes in": PRINT "and tells you it should be 'dumber, not dumbest.' You are humiliated": PRINT "and defeated. Maya's goons tie you up and throw you in the trunk of a car.": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF maya = 3 THEN PRINT "You run as fast as you can. The goons can't keep up, but they don't have to.": PRINT "One of them pulls a gun and shoots out your kneecaps! Ouchies!": PRINT "Needless to say, you never make it to the party.": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF maya = 4 THEN PRINT "You put your hands up in resignation. They quickly usher you out of the": PRINT "airport and take you to a run-down warehouse. They tie you up": PRINT "and you are never heard from again.": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: GOTO 11 12 CLS PRINT "Day 4, 12:07 AM - More Danger In D.C." PRINT "Having taken care of Maya's goons, Dalco goes to fix the engine on his" PRINT "airplane. You decide to get a little snack from the airport cafe. Just" PRINT "as you are paying for your Funyuns and Mountain Dew, you see someone" PRINT "walk up behind you! You turn around, but all you see before you black" PRINT "out is a big, black guy. You wake up to find yourself in the trunk of" PRINT "a car. What do you do now?" PRINT "(1) Kick and scream and hope somebody comes to your rescue." PRINT "(2) Yank out the wires leading to the taillights." PRINT "(3) Give up. Maya's goons are just too much for you." INPUT "(4) Pull a MacGyver move and try to build pick the lock."; dc IF dc = 1 THEN PRINT "You kick and scream and someone opens the trunk. But it's one of Maya's": PRINT "goons! He punches your lights out and locks you back in the trunk!": PRINT "You are never heard from again!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF dc = 2 THEN PRINT "You think you'll be pulled over when the taillights go out, and the cop": PRINT "can rescue you. But when you pull out the taillights, they short circuit and": PRINT "the trunk catches on fire! You burn yourself and are hospitalized": PRINT "for the next 3 months!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF dc = 3 THEN PRINT "You loser! Of course this won't work! You suck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF dc = 4 THEN PRINT "You rip the tab thingy off of a Mountain Dew can and use it to pick the lock": PRINT "and open the trunk! Good job!": SLEEP: GOTO 13 GOTO 12 13 CLS PRINT "Day 4, 4:35 AM - Stranded, Again!" PRINT "You head back to the airport to see how Dalco's doing. But when you" PRINT "get there, you see his plane take-off! Why would he leave without you?" PRINT "You find a seat to sit down and find a note. 'Dalco, I'll be able to find" PRINT "my way to New Jersey. Go ahead without me. Signed, CeJota'. But it's not" PRINT "in your handwriting! Maya's goons! You're stranded again. What do you" PRINT "do now?" PRINT "(1) Call your friends in Virginia and ask them to pick you up." PRINT "(2) Start walking." PRINT "(3) Start crying to yourself." INPUT "(4) Try to sneak on a plane heading to New Jersey."; stuck IF stuck = 1 THEN PRINT "You call them but get an answering machine. They're out of town and won't": PRINT "be back until next week! You're still stuck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF stuck = 2 THEN PRINT "As soon as you exit the airport, Maya's goons jump you and beat the living": PRINT "snot out of you. You're never heard from again!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF stuck = 3 THEN PRINT "You cry and cry and cry and nobody cares. That sucks!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF stuck = 4 THEN PRINT "You hide yourself in someone's suitcase and make it on the plane.": PRINT "In 2 short hours, you arrive in New Jersey. Good Job!": SLEEP: GOTO 14 GOTO 13 14 CLS PRINT "You arrive at Fro's hosue at about 6:00 AM. You ring the doorbell and" PRINT "Fro, Pico, and Dalco welcome you. They were just finishing breakfast" PRINT "and were getting ready to pick up Natalie Portman for the party! You" PRINT "all hop in Pico's car and Fro navigates the way to her house. After" PRINT "an hour and 15 minutes of driving, you arrive at the address. You all" PRINT "jump out of the car and Dalco rings the doorbell. Her mom answers the" PRINT "door and calls for Natalie to come. The moment you have all been" PRINT "waiting for is finally here...." PRINT "(Heh heh... the next level's a snap... I stole it from Fro's Hmmm..." PRINT "Thread game... heh heh..)" SLEEP 15 CLS PRINT "Day 4, 9:15 AM - Meeting Natalie..." PRINT "Natalie is standing at the door, smiling. She's wearing a cute" PRINT "shirt, kinda low cut. She's got jean shorts on and her hair is down." PRINT "You stare, smile, and finally say in unison..." PRINT "1-You're perfect!" PRINT "2-I love you!" PRINT "3-Uh...hey. We're the dudes from the Newsgroup. Ready to party, hehe..." PRINT "4-Hey!! What's up? Like Pico's car?" INPUT "Which one?"; pick IF pick = 1 THEN PRINT "She looks weirdly at you guys, especially Pico. You slams the door. Crap!!!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END IF pick = 2 THEN PRINT "She says 'Well, you guys are gay!' This isn't my real house anyway! Do you": PRINT "think I'd be an idiot and give you my real address? You seemed nice, and like": PRINT "real people. But you're not. You're just like all those other losers from the": PRINT "NG!'She slams the door and there's really only one thing to say which": PRINT "you say...'Dude! She does read the NG!!!'": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END IF pick = 3 THEN PRINT "She smiles and says 'Yup. And By the way, I do read the ng occasionaly.'": PRINT "We looked so surprised and then she asked 'Is it thread or tread? Got any": PRINT "Funyuns, I love them.'": SLEEP: GOTO 16 IF pick = 4 THEN PRINT "She thinks for a second and says 'What the hell was I thinking?' Then she": PRINT "said in a voice similar to South Park's Eric Cartman, 'Screw you guys, I'm": PRINT "going home!' She slams the door...you guys walk away astonished...": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END GOTO 15 16 CLS PRINT "Day 4, 5:37 PM - Impress Natalie" PRINT "The party is going great! It started off with some street hockey, then" PRINT "Blink 182 performed (Natalie invited them). Now you are just hanging" PRINT "out and playing N64. You went into the kitchen to get some more Mountain" PRINT "Dew when you found yourself alone with Natalie Portman. You figure this" PRINT "is your time to impress her. What do you say?" PRINT "(1) Wanna Funyun?" PRINT "(2) You know, my IQ is higher than my body weight." PRINT "(3) I was just getting myself a Mountain Dew. Want one?" INPUT "(4) Nothing"; natty IF natty = 1 THEN PRINT "Haven't you learned yet? She takes your question the wrong way and": PRINT "storms out of the party. Dalco, Fro, and Pico beat you up for ruining": PRINT "everything! You suck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF natty = 2 THEN PRINT "'Funny. I thought you weighed more than 50 pounds,' she says. She leaves the": PRINT "kitchen and never talks to you again! You suck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF natty = 3 THEN PRINT "'Sure,' she replies. 'You know, you're real sweet.' You're about to go back": PRINT "and play some more N64 when she says, 'Wait!' You turn around": PRINT "and she gives you a nice kiss on the cheek. Good job!": SLEEP: GOTO 17 IF natty = 4 THEN PRINT "Stupid! You missed out on your chance to say something meaningful": PRINT "to Natalie! You suck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: GOTO 16 17 CLS PRINT "Day 5, 12:39 PM - Time For Goodbye" PRINT "The party yesterday was awesome! But now it's time for Natalie to leave." PRINT "She has to fly to Austin to finish filming her new movie. You decide you" PRINT "need to get back home, too. After stealing the leftover Funyuns from the" PRINT "party, you head back to the airport with Natalie, Pico, Dalco, and Fro." PRINT "Pico gets in Dalco's jet and flies back to Canada. Fro drives back to his" PRINT "house. You are left in the airport with Natalie Portman. What do you do now?" PRINT "(1) Suggest that you fly the leg to Austin with her, since it's on your way." PRINT "(2) Say your goodbyes and get on your plane." PRINT "(3) Hug her and start crying. 'Please don't leave me!'" INPUT "(4) Shout, 'I love you! Marry me!'"; bye IF bye = 1 THEN PRINT "She digs the idea. You change your flight plans and get on the plane to": PRINT "Austin. When the plane takes off, however, Maya's goons appear and they": PRINT "threaten to blow it up! You try to stop them, but they overpower you!": PRINT "The plane lands safely, but you and Natalie Portman are never heard": PRINT "from again!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF bye = 2 THEN PRINT "'Goodbye,' you say to her. 'It was fun. Let's do it again some time,'": PRINT "she says. You give her a bag of Funyuns. 'To remember me,' you say.": PRINT "She just melts. 'I'll call you some time.' Then she boarded the plane.": PRINT "You wave goodbye, then get on your flight back to Colorado.": SLEEP: GOTO 18 IF bye = 3 THEN PRINT "'Get a grip, loser!' she says. 'I thought you were sweet, now I realize": PRINT "you're just an obsessed fan.' She gets on the plane and you neve hear": PRINT "from her again!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF bye = 4 THEN PRINT "She punches you and gets on the plane. You never hear from her again!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: GOTO 17 18 CLS PRINT "Your flight arrives with no problem. Your parents are there to pick" PRINT "you up. They are not very happy with you. On the drive home, you" PRINT "reflect back to the most wonderful day of your life. You miss all the" PRINT "guys. Frostorm, the weather guy. Pico, the French Canadian. Dalco, the" PRINT "avionics genius. Natalie, the most wonderful actress. But still, you" PRINT "feel good. Despite your parents grounding you, you have a smile on your" PRINT "face. You think you're going to go back to your boring old life again." SLEEP 19 CLS PRINT "Day 5, 7:39 PM - Home At Last" PRINT "You get home and kick off your shoes. Just then, the phone rings." PRINT "It's the hot chick from school! She wants to know if you'd like to" PRINT "go to a movie with her! What do you do?" PRINT "(1) Tell her you'll meet her there, then just stay home." PRINT "(2) Politely refuse. You're grounded anyway." PRINT "(3) Explain the whole story of how you got grounded and hope she believes you." INPUT "(4) Sneak out of your house and meet her there."; home IF home = 1 THEN PRINT "You loser! She waits for hours and never sees you! You suck, dude.": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF home = 2 THEN PRINT "'Okay. I understand,' you hear her say before she starts crying.": PRINT "You suck, dude.": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF home = 3 THEN PRINT "'You probably won't believe me,' you tell her before starting your story.": PRINT "An hour later, you finish telling the story and explain that you're": PRINT "grounded. Luckily, she trusts you and just says you'll do something": PRINT "when you're not grounded anymore.": SLEEP: GOTO 20 IF home = 4 THEN PRINT "No good. You try to sneak out your window, but you slip and fall": PRINT "two stories to the ground below. Ouchies!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: GOTO 19 20 CLS PRINT "Day 6, 10:15 AM - Out of Funyuns" PRINT "It has been two days since the greatest party of the century. You" PRINT "figure it's life back to normal. You log onto the Internet and go" PRINT "to the newsgroup. There's a post from someone claiming to be Natalie." PRINT "Many of the people on the ng think it's authentic! You read through it." PRINT "You know it's not really from her. What do you do?" PRINT "(1) Write a long-winded letter attacking the imposter's grammar." PRINT "(2) Play along. You've met her in real life. NG's don't matter." PRINT "(3) Change the topic into something about Funyuns." INPUT "(4) Post calling the ng stupid for believing the imposter."; fake IF fake = 1 THEN PRINT "You activate Maya mode and attack the imposter's grammer. You accuse": PRINT "him of ending sentences with prepositions, spelling words wrong, and": PRINT "call him a simpleton. 'This'll show 'em,' you think. Instead,": PRINT "everyone at the ng calls you a loser for 'not trusting Natalie'!!": PRINT "You can't belive it! You suck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF fake = 2 THEN PRINT "She promised she'd call you, so you figure even if it really was her,": PRINT "it doesn't matter. You just pop open a Mountain Dew and play along.": SLEEP: GOTO 21 IF fake = 3 THEN PRINT "You try to get a conversation about Funyuns going, but nobody is": PRINT "responding. You decide to forget the whole thing and you": PRINT "go for a walk. As you're crossing the street, a truck hit you! Ouchies!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF fake = 4 THEN PRINT "You quickly become the least popular person on the NG. In fact,": PRINT "you become so unpopular, you are banned for life!!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: GOTO 20 21 CLS PRINT "Day 6, 6:37 PM - Date With The Hot Chick" PRINT "You just finish cleaning up after dinner when your parents call a" PRINT "family meeting. You think they're gonna chew you out for sitting" PRINT "around like a vegetable all day. Instead, they talk about your" PRINT "little journey to New Jersey. After you explain the whole thing," PRINT "they decide to un-ground you. Your parents go out for dinner, leaving" PRINT "the house alone to you. The Hot Chick comes over to watch movies." PRINT "What movie should you watch?" PRINT "(1) Beautiful Girls" PRINT "(2) The Fugitive" PRINT "(3) Carebears on Vacation" INPUT "(4) The Rock"; movie IF movie = 1 THEN PRINT "The Hot Chick loves it! Especially that 'Really cute girl' that you know": PRINT "is Natalie! You have a groovy time! Awesome!": SLEEP: GOTO 22 IF movie = 2 THEN PRINT "The Hot Chick just thinks it's boring. You have a crappy time.": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF movie = 3 THEN PRINT "The Hot Chick thinks it's too childish. You have a crappy time.": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF movie = 4 THEN PRINT "The Hot Chick doesn't like all the violence. You have a crappy time.": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: GOTO 21 22 CLS PRINT "Day 7, 10:53 AM - High School Registration" PRINT "The first day of school is about a week away. Today you have to go to" PRINT "registration. Part of the process is taking the yearbook picture. This" PRINT "is your chance to make your everlasting impression of yourself to the" PRINT "rest of the student body. What shirt do you wear?" PRINT "(1) Your Dilbert 'Technology: No place for wimps' shirt." PRINT "(2) Your Nestle Quik shirt." PRINT "(3) A nice collared shirt with a vest." INPUT "(4) Your really cool lacrosse shirt."; shirt IF shirt = 1 THEN PRINT "No good. Everyone at registration laughs at you and calls you a nerd.": PRINT "You just sense this is going to be a bad school year.": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF shirt = 2 THEN PRINT "Cool! Everyone you talk to really digs the shirt! You get the school-year": PRINT "off to a good start!": SLEEP: GOTO 23 IF shirt = 3 THEN PRINT "Ha ha! Everyone laughs at you and calls you a prep. One kid even says,": PRINT "'You look like you go to Catholic school or something!' That sucks!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF shirt = 4 THEN PRINT "You think people will dig the shirt, but most people just look at you": PRINT "with a puzzled face. Finally, one girl asks, 'What's lacrosse?'": PRINT "No Good!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: GOTO 22 23 CLS PRINT "Day 7, 1:38 PM - Lunch Time Dilemma" PRINT "You finish high school registration and decide to pick up some lunch" PRINT "on your way home. Where should you go to eat?" PRINT "(1) Pick up some Chinese food." PRINT "(2) Get a pizza." PRINT "(3) Stop by K-Mart and get some Funyuns." INPUT "(4) Get one of those burger super value meals."; lunch IF lunch = 1 THEN PRINT "You get some Kung Pou Chicken from the local Chinese joint. You open": PRINT "up the container and dig in. A peanut gets lodged in your windpipe": PRINT "and you suffocate to death! That sucks!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF lunch = 2 THEN PRINT "The cheese on the pizza looks a little weird. You don't care, and": PRINT "dive into the pizza. Then, on your ride home, you feel really bad.": PRINT "You get rushed to the hospital where they pump your stomach! Yuck!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF lunch = 3 THEN PRINT "Good move. You pick up some Funyuns and take them home. It'll be enough": PRINT "to tide you over until dinner time.": SLEEP: GOTO 24 IF lunch = 4 THEN PRINT "You pick up a burger, super size fries, and a 72 oz. Mountain Dew.": PRINT "At first it seems really good, but then you realize the meal is too": PRINT "big for you! You overeat and explode!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: GOTO 23 24 CLS PRINT "Day 7, 5:02 PM - Night Out With The Guys" PRINT "You spend a nice day relaxing at home. You are watching Spider-Man" PRINT "cartoons when the doorbell rings. It's your friends from school. You" PRINT "decide it would be nice to go and do something with them. What should" PRINT "you do to spend the evening?" PRINT "(1) Go watch a movie" PRINT "(2) Go cow tipping" PRINT "(3) Go buy Funyuns" INPUT "(4) Go mini-golfing"; night IF night = 1 THEN PRINT "You go and watch Wild Wild West. Realizing this movie sucks, you": PRINT "all ditch the movie and decide to go cruising. You speed through": PRINT "the streets in your friend's car. You look behind you and see flashing": PRINT "lights! Busted!!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF night = 2 THEN PRINT "You find a field with a bunch of cows and start tipping them over. Your": PRINT "friend, however, didn't see you and tipped a cow right on top of you!": PRINT "Ouchies!!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF night = 3 THEN PRINT "Your other friends don't dig the idea as much as you do. They ditch": PRINT "you while you're in the checkout lane. That sucks!": LOCATE 20, 5: PRINT "YOU LOSE!": END: IF night = 4 THEN PRINT "Cool! You suck at mini-golf, but you guys have a really fun time.": PRINT "Groovy!": SLEEP: GOTO 25 GOTO 24 25 CLS PRINT "You get home at about 10:30 from bowling. Just in time for Leno!" PRINT "You flip on the telly and listen to Jay's great monologue. Then he" PRINT "introduces his guests for the evening. Natalie is one of them! This" PRINT "is great! You grab a Mountain Dew and some Funyuns and listen to" PRINT "Natalie's interview. She's promoting her new movie, and her interview" PRINT "is very funny, as always. Just as the interview is finishing up and" PRINT "the musical guest starts to play (Blink 182.. big coincidence, eh?)," PRINT "the phone rings. 'I wonder who'd be calling this late,' you wonder." PRINT "You pick up the phone and say, 'Hello?' 'Hi. How are you,' the voice" PRINT "responds. A smile comes to your face as you recognize the voice." PRINT "'Great. I just caught you on TV. Nice interview.'" SLEEP CLS LOCATE 1, 15 PRINT "Journey for Funyuns" LOCATE 2, 15 PRINT "By Armadillo Programming" PRINT "" PRINT "Lead Programmer: CeJota" PRINT "Concept: DijonSyrup" PRINT "Bug Fixing: CeJota, Frostorm" PRINT "" PRINT "Play Testing: CeJota, DijonSyrup, Frostorm, Pico" PRINT "Special Thanks to: Froware Software" PRINT " Frito Lay, for making Funyuns" PRINT " PepsiCo, for making Mountain Dew" PRINT " Frostorm, Pico, and Dalco (in no particular order)" END